Weiner or Huma: Whose Humiliation Is It?
June 11, 2011
by Risa A. Levine
|Numerous headlines and “news”paper articles have declared Huma Abedin to be the “humiliated” wife of the tweeting-Weiner:
The New York Post informed us yesterday that “[T]he disgraced Democratic lawmaker who humiliated her, meanwhile, stayed holed up in his Queens home in exclusive Forest Hills Gardens all day on Wednesday”. We learned from the Daily News that “Rep. Anthony Weiner’s humiliated wife was still wearing her wedding ring Thursday when she was spotted for the first time since her husband ‘fessed to a sext scandal,” earlier today. The Chicago Sun Times took the liberty of misquoting the Secretary of State who more accurately said that the press conference was “humiliating”, by headlining their article: “Hillary Clinton hates seeing Rep. Weiner’s wife ‘humiliated’.” (emphasis added)
I admit that in the week following the breaking of the story, I was convinced of his innocence in the publication of the photo and said as much to anyone who would listen. I was wrong. And Madame Secretary was right: the press conference was “humiliating”, TO HIM.
But aren’t we long past the days when a man’s acts illegal, immoral or salacious acts are attributed to his wife? This is not a fraudulent tax return signed by the naive spouse nor another pitiable instance of The Good Wife standing by her man, sharing in his mea culpa. Clearly, his pathology does not spread to her. Instead, all week, we have watched her fulfill her professional obligations in the same quiet and dignified manner that she always has. Declining to use the early stages of pregnancy as an excuse, she embarked on a difficult overseas mission to assist in promoting American values and diplomacy in Africa. Other than the best-dressed-list quality of her impeccable personal style, Ms Abedin has done nothing to demand attention, respond to media probes (read: harassment), or condone or refute any of the details of the story. We have no idea what she thinks or plans to do and despite the best attempts of the press to prod her friends into enlightening them, neither do they.
No woman should have “humiliation” imputed to her for any man’s bad acts. The shame of this episode rests solely with Anthony Weiner, who will have to atone publicly, privately and repeatedly, not only to his colleagues, his constituents and his Facebook fans, but to his wife. His tears, I am sure, were driven more by the thought of losing her than a conscious acknowledgement that he did something wrong.
But Huma has done nothing wrong, has nothing to be embarrassed about, and certainly, has not been humiliated. She has not chosen to seek momentary solace in public recriminations and accusations. She has not asked for our sympathy or support nor deviated from her much-vaunted professional dedication. It’s time we stopped demeaning women by calling them victims or looping them into their husbands’ sophomoric behavior. To paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel humiliated without your consent.” And this wife has not consented to humiliation in any form. Bravo.
Love your article. Sexism is so insidious that we need to call out those that practice it. You have done just that.
Great article, Risa! You make important points and there is one to add: she was not standing next to him at his “humiliating” press conference.
Huma has done nothing wrong and has no reason to accept any blame for this. The media and the moron boys who would suggest such a thing are misogynistic twits.
However, it’s inevitable that she’s going to be embarrassed by all this. I’m horrified by the idiots claiming this was a victimless crime. For crying out loud, there’s a pregnant wife who doesn’t need this stress, there’s a woman forced to drop out of college, there’s a teen age girl who has been exploited.
Thank God Huma is out of town working and not in the midst of all this. I hope she just enjoys her pregnancy and puts him out of her mind. What a jerk to bring this sort of stress on a pregnant woman. There is a large sisterhood of women who are pregnant by jerks so she isn’t alone.
The college girl from Bellingham is being allowed to finish her semester by mail and e-mail. Hopefully this will blow over and she can attend classes and have a normal life by next fall.
I hope Weiner gets redistricted out of a job. There are a lot of these jokers in Congress who just keep getting reelected. I just can’t believe they don’t care about the damage their arrogant self indulgent behavior does to the reputation of the Congress.
At least I finally heard one man on the radio correct the other men who were talking about how “people do this sort of thing” and say “People are’nt the ones doing this it is MEN in power, MEN not people or women” If it had been a woman who corrected them they just would have called her a bitchy cunt but since it was a man they actually paused in their conversation for a few moments and considered it.
Thank you ladies!
Margo, I did refer to the fact that she was NOT “the Good Wife” which is the reference to the tv show based on the Spitzer story with the iconic picture of the wife standing by her man during the mea culpa press conference. I hope that we never see that kind of image again, no matter who is making the admission! I appreciate your comments!
Risa, good to read your opinion. bad deeds of men should not reflect on their wives. so true.
should not have an impact on the girl/woman who receives the email. from Bes comment I take she has to continue college electronically. Reminds me of the gang raped student in my county who had to flee the state to continue high school until her father got mad enough to become an activist. Now we have a law in Maryland, that the rapists aren’t allowed back in the same class room as the victim.
wives until now used to be drawn into the scene. I think I read on Anna Belle’s blog about a famous spy whose wife got a death sentence too. What I know first hand from my student time. A feminist friend of mine – Heidelberg 70ies – dated a guy who was found insured in his student’s room when a bomb he had made exploded in his lap. My friend who did not live there was sent to high security jail for at least a year, although no evidence was found that she knew anything about these activities.
most famously of course all these women I have met since 2008 who could not vote for Hillary because of her husband.
let’s hope with Huma a new page will start.
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