Rasha’s Story: A Woman Speaks out in Saudi Arabia
February 16, 2011
by Rasha Alduwaisi
|A note from TNA President, Amy Siskind
I would like to introduce an extraordinarily courageous woman who lives in Saudi Arabia. Rasha is a 30 year-old mother who is part of a simmering revolution by women inside Saudi Arabia. These women are agitating for change for the sake of their daughters. Rasha’s Story will provide us with a up-close view of the lives of Saudi women – their struggles and why, now, they gather their strength and speak up.
We encourage our viewers to leave questions for Rasha in the comment section – or commend her for what she is doing here. Please check back to our blog. Rasha will provide us with parts of her story when possible. Thank you.
I’ll tell you a little about me and the life of women in my country ..
I’m 30 years old, married and have two kids. My son is 7 and my daughter is 1. In Saudi you are lucky when you have a son for a first born. Than you won’t be pestered by people feeling sorry for you and praying for you that you’d have a boy soon every time they see you.
I come from a somewhat strict religious family. I had to cover my face since I was 12.!
When I graduated high school with a high GPA I wanted to become a doctor but my parents were totally against it because of the social repercussions. Female med students and doctors study and work mingled with men and thus face a tough time finding husbands!!!!! tha’ts huge in Saudi because marriage and motherhood are still believed to be the sole purpose of a woman’s existence.
Since i can’t get accepted into collage without my father’s signed approval.I had to find something else. I wanted to get into marketing or Law. but these were only available for boys at the time. (women now can study law but can’t practice it!!!!) So I ended up in translation for no better reason than the lack of better options.
maybe i should mention that the girls’ university was for boys’s about 30 years ago until a new modern place was built for them and the girls were moved into the old shabby buildings that are still the girls’ university to this day !!!!!
I Love reading, painting, photography, and traveling. I’ve been to many places in Europe, America, the Middle East, and Asia. Seeing the world and the way women of different backgrounds, languages, and religions are treated puts things into perspective.
recently I started a small family photography business. I work from home. If I want to rent a place for my business and make it official I have to legally authorize a male to get anything i need done for me in any government sector!!!
All this is just a drop from the ocean of obstacles facing women in Saudi Arabia.
Thanks Amy for being so selfless. Most people in your shoes would just lay back and enjoy their freedom without a worry in the world.
Woman in Saudi, like abused women around the world, need the help of governments (like the USA) and human rights agencies to put pressure on oppressing governments.. I believe that change can only happen as a result of constant -internal and external – pressure.
I can’t thank you enough.
Rasha,
Thank you for sharing with us all a bit about your life. I feel like cross cultural sharing between American and Middle Eastern women is generally discouraged, so I really welcome this conversation!
In the United States we are often told to “respect other cultures and to not judge from our own cultural standards.” Thus, many American women feel awkward about conversing with women from the Middle East, in fear of appearing judgmental. We like to imagine that we are very accepting people but this fearful approach to dialogue sometimes stops of from actually SHARING.
Thank you for taking these first steps to really share!
I have many questions for you that I am starting to think up, so I will check back here with them sometime later.
I would not think anyone is judgmental just because they want to know more about my culture. The world NEEDS to know about Women’s issues in Saudi Arabia as a step towards changing them, and that could only happen by sharing. I welcome any questions and would be glad to answer them to the best of my ability
Dear Rasha
…I am a woman living in europe – I am a social worker and an artist – have been travelling a lot around the world.
As an artist and a social worker i am interested in human dignity – in the female and the male itself –
I deeply honour your brave heart to talk about your life and to speak out honestly what are the circumstances that youare going through.
The female itself – for my opinion all over the world is hurt deeply – in europe women try to be men and in
saudi arabia you need the signature of a male person
to be allowed to do what you want.As human beings the male and the female we are all precious – we all deserve human dignity and human rights –
We deserve to be who we really are not being hidden and unseen –
Inside of my heart i feel that for my oppinion in one world there is too much naked flesh and on the other half of the world it is sinful to even see the nose of a person – the secret of wisdom is balance.
How are we able to support you?
Rasha,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is saddening to hear the situations that you must endure, but I am so happy you have chosen to share your experiences with us here.
I am a Women’s Studies major (graduating in a few months time) and I am always researching women’s rights on a global level. The problem is, in your part of the world, so little information is available on a timely basis. Much of the information we have to research on is several years old. So, I can not applaud your efforts enough to share your story. I literally can not wait to hear more about it. I would love to be your pen-pal!
Denise,
Thanks for your encouraging words. I appreciate it.
Maybe if more people in my country were able to major in women’s studies, things would be a little easier.
I would love to help you in your work in anyway I can.
Dear Alice,
thanks for your comment. I understand there’s unbalance in the world. but it all comes down to personal freedom. freedom in it’s basic sense, the ability to make one’s own decisions. All humans should have access to basic human rights without needing anyone’s permission. these rights include education,transportation, seeking income, heath care, and ownership. Unfortunately, a woman in Saudi can’t have access to any of these if her male guardian felt like denying her that right.
If women in other parts of the world choose to show too much skin as you put it, than that’s totally up to them if they CHOOSE to be objectified in such manner. but We in Saudi do NOT choose what to wear in public. we have to cover up in BLACK nonetheless in a desert where the temperature reaches 50 degrees Celsius (122 Fahrenheit) and more.
Rasha,
I wanted to ask you about personal relationships in Saudi Arabia, marriage, etc. When there is little freedom by law for women in Saudi Arabia, how does this affect marriages and other relationships within the family? I guess I am asking, how does the power structure affect the personal?
Also, if a woman is in an abusive marriage in Saudi Arabia, how can she get help? Can she feel comfortable talking with friends/ family about this? Is there any outside support for women in abusive marriages? Can a woman in Saudi Arabia divorce?
Hi Rasha,
Welcome to The New Agenda!! and thank you for sharing the state of affairs of women in Saudi.
I teach at an online university in the United States. There are many online universities offering a broad variety of programs, including undergraduate, masters, and doctoral programs. Would it be possible for you to register online? What would happen if you register when you travel? Is this a good possibility for Saudi women?
Rasha, we welcome you and your voice from so far away. Personally, I am happy and proud and scared all at the same time, because here we know how dangerous it is for women in Saudi to use their voices for change and for liberation. I commend you for using your voice to get your message to us, and for sharing with us what it is to be a woman in your part of the world. A mother myself, I wonder how you and other women approach your limitations as a woman with your children? When my son comes home from school with some gender bias or stereotype, I usually sit down and have a discussion with him about the fact that girls and boys have equal potential if not equal rights. Do you address these issues with your kids? Is it safe? Do you have different conversations with your son as opposed to your daughter?
Thank you for sharing with us and for being so courageous!
I wonder if the unrest in other middle East countries is also boiling in Saudi…Do you think the liberation movement taking place includes the liberation of women?
I know this movement is being repressed, even in Bahrain, where it is suppossed to be a banking center, “highly educated” country, but where people want change.
dear Rasha
I really do understand that you are feeling the deep need for to decide on your own – what to wear – what to study – and also to feel the same dignity to give birth to a girl than to a boy.
My question is how can we support you – ?
I have never been in your countrey – I know Egypt – Cairo have spent much time there – drawing and writing.
Saudi Arabia is more conservative – religion and politics are one – please help me if i am wrong with what i think. Restaurants are for family – single men -
with a seperate door and seperate spaces – it sounds quite narrow –
How did you feel in Europe?
What are the things that you want to change?
Women are taught to always want something better for their children – but we ourselves we are also important – how would you feel your dignity and your rights more – not only in education
I thank you so much for sharing – Women all over the world we are all sisters – we all have the same needs
and dreams – we are one humanity – we are coming from one source
Saudi Arabia is very hidden – only little information is coming through the borders –
If you are with your female friends – are you allowed to eat uncovered together and to laugh and dance …?
If you go to a restaurant and eat – is it possible to eat covered ? I am sorry if my questions sound stupid.
Dear brave sister – i wish you all the very best.
Alice
Dear Henrietta, I will get to all this in future posts
Dear Valentina , getting an online degree is something i personally thought about more than once. It is very possible to do, and I don’t think I’ll face any objections, but here’s why I think most don’t take advantage of it in Saudi Arabia. First, It’s expensive compared to Saudi public universities -which are not only free, but give an allowance of $200-260 for books and other expenses. and second, which is even more important, is that an online degree is mostly not recognized, whether by employers, or the ministry of education. So I most probably won’t be able to get a job with such degree, and if -for instance- I get a bachelor’s degree online I won’t be able to get into postgraduate in a Saudi university based on that bachelor’s degree. I know it’s very backward, I just hope this changes soon.
Dear Marina ,
the Saudi society is very family oriented. my parents thinks I’m distant because i ONLY visit once A WEEK!! so we rely on family for a lot of help with the children. my mother-in-law used to take care of my boy when he was a baby every morning while I went to school to get my Bachelor’s degree.
Most Saudi homes also have stay-in help. I think a lot of factors helped in this, they are relatively affordable, and we don’t have daycare center’s or baby sitters at all. As I mentioned we are very family oriented, so a typical Saudi family would spend 2-4 days a week on social obligations. add to that long working hours, which is new to the Saudi women’s work force, and no after school centers or activities to take kids off their mothers’ hands. all this created an environment where stay-in help is needed.
Dear Alice, I will try to draw a more clear picture of how the day to day life of a Saudi woman is like in a future post. and I will hopefully answer all your questions.
Thanks to you all for supporting and encouraging me and others like me in Saudi and around the world. I thank Amy so much for taking the time to post my story and encouraging me to write more.
God bless you all
Hello dear,
I would love to be in contact with you. I am reading the Quran and trying to understand the whole religion from the point of view of Love, as for my feeling Allah is Love. We’ve been created out of his love and all are the same … i can not believe the way muslim women are treated and had always been treated is the right way of Quran …
Please keep in touch and maybe we would be able to help all the muslim women around the world to gain back their dignity and their rights as a human being
Thank you for being so brave
Love u very much
xxx
Haleh
Hi Rasha from the U.S.
It’s such a pleasure to connect with you and hear your story. I’m encouraged to learn there are ways that you can reach out and that you have certain access to opportunities.
It seems like a lot of young people in the middle east are energized about changing their environments. Do you see a strong change in the youth compared to the older generations? Does it give you hope?
I, like Marina, draw alot from my experience as a mom. Here in the U.S. women have progressed but mothers hit serious walls politically and economically. We can probably all learn and share new ideas to move us all forward!
Thanks for opening the virtual door to your world!
Happy to have found your post…and glad you are sharing some of the things that are happening in your life with us. This is a very rare occasion, and is much appreciated. I have heard very little about the Saudi government lately. Some of the MSM did report that your King personally criticized Obama in a phone call for his lack of support for Mubarak. Most recently, I have been very concerned with the status of women in Egypt, who are facing some of the same problems as you and the women in your country. I recently read that 90 – 96% of women in Egypt have undergone Female Genital Mutilation…and that “honor killings” still occur with little retribution by the authorities who are suppose to protect women. All of the MSM continually praised the protests in Egypt and the overthrow of the Mubarak government…and no one mentioned the second class treatment of the females in the country.
Stay safe!
Dear Haleh,
I would love to be in contact with you as well. you can add me on facebook if that works for you.
Dear Heather,
Thanks for your kind words, I sure hope that what happened in Tunisia and Egypt, and still happening in other countries in the area, is the start of change all over.
I do agree that the younger generation are the force behind it all. I call them the generation of globalization, they are the children of the world as a village. they grew up with more access to information that older generations never dreamed of. I think all this created more open minds that know their rights and can better recognize injustice.
Dear BARBBF,
I can’t speak for Egypt really. I’ve only been there once very briefly as a child. but i have known many Egyptians in my life and the percentage of women that have undergone genital mutilation sounds exaggerated, but I can’t know for sure. This act is not carried out in Saudi Arabia, Thank God. Honor killings, I believe are most common in Jordan. and what you said is true. the murderer usually gets out with a slap on the hand. they are not as common here in Saudi. I have heard of only one such case of a brother killing his two sisters. but we the public never found out what happened to the brother.
Check back tomorrow morning for Part 2 of Rasha’s Story!
Rasha,
I see that you mentioned domestic help in your comments. My parents are Westerners living in Qatar (which I know is very different from Saudi Arabia), and they tell me about a kind of underclass of underpaid domestic workers, often Filipinos or Indians. Is that similar to Saudi Arabia? I don’t fault anyone for needing domestic help, or for only paying the going rate (which is probably all they can afford anyway). It’s just strange to me how many layers of oppression there seem to be. Not that Western culture is blameless, but as you’ve said, there are certain freedoms that we fortunately have access to. In addition, please tell us in a future post what you’d like to see us do to help women in your position.
Thanks,
Sandra.
Dear Sandra,
The situation concerning domestic help is pretty much the same in almost all of the Gulf countries. It is very sad that there are no laws to regulate it, nor any real rights for those people who left their families to make enough income to support them.
how well you treat your help is totally up to you, and as long as things stay within walls, nobody really knows about it, so their voices are muffled. most people don’t set working hours, don’t give weekends, or any sort of vacation to their help.
I recently read the book ” The Help by Kathryn Stockett”. I related to it in more ways than I thought I would. I felt even worse about our domestic help, who unlike the ones in the book, don’t get to go back home to their families by the end of the day.
I have to mention that there are some steps being taken, though very small and slow, to correct this atrocious reality.
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