Addressing Women Professionals in the Familiar
October 7, 2010
by Optixmom
|The opinions expressed herein are those of the author, and not necessarily those of The New Agenda.
Professor Nan Johnson
When I was an undergraduate optics student at the University of Rochester I took my first Women Studies course in my senior year to cover a political science requirement. The course was “Women in Politics” and it was taught by Professor Nan Johnson. It was my first classic “feminism” course, my first class with a female professor, and my first class (of two) with Professor Johnson.
One of the lessons that I learned from this course was that it was easy and commonplace for men and women to refer to a professional woman in the familiar, or by their first name. This practice is not so commonplace when addressing a professional male, however. Professor Johnson was elected to the Monroe County Legislature and held that position from 1975 until 1995. She was the first woman to hold the position of Majority Leader of the 29 member legislative body, and she was the first woman to run for Monroe County Executive (which is a position now held by a woman, County Executive Maggie Brooks).
Professor Johnson showed our class the video of her debate with her male opponent for County Executive and when we viewed it for the first time, she asked us to point out any inconsistency that we saw in the moderation of the debate. We watched through the entire video and no one was able to recognize anything inconsistent. She then went on to point out that her opponent called her by her first name, Nan, where she referred to him in the formal, Mr. X. No where did the moderator correct him and those watching didn’t feel that his behavior was inappropriate. Professor Johnson, in that short video, was able to get me to realize that it is easy to dismiss a woman’s professional accomplishments and feel that you can address her as someone common to you.
One might think that addressing a woman in the familiar is in fact a complement. That you feel comfortable enough with that person to think of them as someone you are on a first-name basis with. But professional titles are a funny thing. We tend to view someone that we call by their first name as less qualified than those we refer to as Dr. or Professor. We tend to be more respectful to individuals that we are introduced in the formal (i.e. Mr., Ms., Mrs., etc.) and we also tend to weigh a person’s credentials based on the way they are addressed.
I have many examples in my professional life that demonstrate how easy it is to address a woman in the familiar. When I started teaching as an Adjunct Professor one of my male colleagues warned me that some of the students might call me by my first name in class. He said that he never had this problem, but his wife, who is a senior-level medical doctor and the only woman doctor at her practice, is always introduced by her first name by the Hospital Director while her male colleagues are introduced as Dr. He wanted me to know about the practice of students feeling more familiar with a female professor and that I should introduce myself in the formal right off the bat.
My friend was right. In my very first class, one of the graduate male students called out my first name to ask a question. After class, I talked to that student alone and asked him if he called his adviser by his first name in class? He told me, “never”. I then asked if he would not call me by my first name and treat me as he did all of the male faculty in our department. The issue resolved itself after that and all of the students refer to me in the formal unless I ask them otherwise.
I have noticed this issue when I am dealing with young Southern patent attorneys in particular. If I am in a group of men discussing a patent idea and formalizing a plan of action to file I will invariably be the only one addressed by their first name. This is especially true if I am the lead inventor and have other men engaged in the discussion on how to improve upon the patent idea. The men are not the idea originators, but somehow they are more revered for their opinions than I am for the original invention. Crazy.
This is a behavior that is still in practice today. It is sexist, in a subtle form, but still sexist. I want to thank Professor Johnson, who is now retired, for being a wonderful and insightful professor. She engaged her class (that was 50% male) and had great thought provoking examples.
“One might think that addressing a woman in the familiar is in fact a complement.”
If it were a compliment, men would do it to each other.
yea that’s one annoying thing that is deep within the subconscious of people to think they are on an equal friendship level with all women they see.
This is certainly true. Am I wrong because I think Hillary Clinton encouraged that she be called Hillary. I wonder if this also has something to do with maiden names. For instance Hillary is a name she has owned since birth, Clinton is her husbands name, Rodham would be her actual family name but it is a name she hasn’t used in many years. So a first name is the only consistent name women often have through out life.
I think this is a cultural thing, a sexist and elitist thing. Men of course dominate the professional world and academia, so they dominate how respect is defined and expressed. You address them formally to distinguish the great difference between you and them. They define respect based on how elevated from you they are.
In other cultures that have more female influences, the greatest title of all would be Auntie or Grandmother. Calling somebody by their first name is an honor, you’re embracing them as somebody worthy of respect, bringing them closer to you. To refer to them by their last name would be to distance them as somebody you don’t want close to your heart.
Here in America you can see the feminine way of expressing respect and affection, “Oprah”, “Ellen,” “Hillary,” “Sarah.” Women who use these terms are showing affection, admiration, respect. They are bringing those they admire in closer.
Personally I think the male defined way of showing someone’s status needs to go. It’s unnatural. I am aware however, that the male system currently dominates and when men address you casually in a room where everyone else is being addressed formally, it’s a subtle insult. Or sometimes, not so subtle.
yttk & Bes,
The difference with Oprah, Hillary, et al is that they gave us permission to call them by their first name. It is part of their brand. However, in all debates with Hillary Clinton during the primary, she was referred to as Senator Clinton. In the formal because it showed respect and her position in politics.
We might refer to Secretary Clinton as Hillary, but when she is working and we are addressing her, she is Secretary Clinton. There is the difference.
If I am in a room full of engineers and everyone is being addressed as Mr. or Dr., it will offend me if I am not addressed by Ms. or Mrs. and people just call me by my first name without asking me how I want to be addressed. What is proper for the gander better sure as hell be proper for the goose.
Optixmom,
Excellent lesson in how integral sexism is within the fabric of society. How convenient for the men!
It’s as if ALL women are somehow viewed as a “mother” figure, no matter how accomplished she may be, and that monitor takes priority because men still expect women to default to a nurturing persona over a professional one, no matter what the circumstances.
In far too many situations where women are either equal professionally or hold higher positions than the men in the office, the men still expect the women to make the coffee or order the food,while the boyz focus only on the more serious workt at hand. No matter how accomplished the woman, far too many men still expect her to play the role of “mother” first (and professional last) and be constantly aware of their every need, or risk subjecting herself to being called a bitch who hates men.
I always liked to hear Hillary referred to as Senator Clinton. Also as an older woman who has led a full life and as a result had several last names I would offer this advice to young women. Don’t change your name when you get married. It just is confusing professionally and it is hard for old friends to look you up plus it makes it hard to find you for reunions. Just stick with what you were born with, that is what I wish I had done.
“The men are not the idea originators, but somehow they are more revered for their opinions than I am for the original invention”
This is one very weird thing I’ve noticed about human beings. It is sexism most foul. However, if anyone wanted to go on an interesting journey that is, any time a male appears to have an idea, invention, or gift, is to find the woman responsible for them. I have found numerous examples. It appears that men actually cannot contribute to society at large, and they know it, hence the dire need for sexism.
“men still expect the women to make the coffee or order the food,while the boyz focus only on the more serious workt at hand. No matter how accomplished the woman, far too many men still expect her to play the role of “mother” first (and professional last) and be constantly aware of their every need, or risk subjecting herself to being called a bitch who hates men.”
and no matter what they are doing it’s always the important work. If a woman was doing that work it wouldn’t be important.
” The men are not the idea originators, but somehow they are more revered for their opinions than I am for the original invention.”
The woman gets lost in the picture. You could be the sole originator, do all the work, and no one will even speak your name. Rosalyn Franklin, for one, discovered DNA. It was only her persistance that her name was somewhat known, and her achievement is still downplayed and erased and lied about. She bragged constantly and would not let the men take credit for her work; and that’s the only reason people even know her name.
It’s a deception.
There are good ways and bad ways to look at anything; men look at themselves in good ways and at women in bad ways. And because they have power, women are more than willing to be brainwashed.
It’s very important that women know what they are up against before they decide to work with men on anything.
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