I Support Women…Except “That” One
September 10, 2010
by Optixmom
|The opinions expressed herein are those of the author, and not necessarily those of The New Agenda.
There are many pro-women icons that I look up to and try to emulate in my day-to-day life. Women like Susan B. Anthony and Eleanor Roosevelt, who helped women understand their strengths and assets as human beings. Women like Sojourner Truth and Alice Paul who clarified that the strength that was derived from the unity of women cannot be equaled. They did not strive for rights of women only to single out a few who were not deserving. They did not sacrifice their individual rights or put themselves in situations of public ridicule just so only a percentage of women would gain equality. They strived for all women to reach a higher plane of existence.
Nowhere in my research of these women did I find that they desired segregation of the “have” and “have-nots” for our gender. They understood that if one woman was demeaned then it could very easily translate to all women. In order to see progress, we need to discuss and debate ideas and not disparage other women. Below are some of my favorite quotes from the above four women:
Condoning sexism or sexist behavior because you feel an individual woman deserves it will only come back to eventually bite you in the behind. “That” woman today may just be you tomorrow. Break the cycle of perpetuating sexism just because you may not like a certain woman. You don’t have to agree with her, but you also don’t have to expel senseless energy to drag her down. Use your energy to move ideas that you agree with forward. Learn from the experts; Sojourner, Susan, Eleanor, and Alice. They knew that our genders’ progress depends on it.
100% with you. Let she who has not sinned cast the first stone.
Judgment is not the best way forward.
I’ve said before, it’s like getting rid of polio. You don’t inoculate your friends and let the ones who you don’t like go uninoculated to “show them” or because they “asked for it” or “fought against it.” It’s irrelevant, because the virus doesn’t care. Any uninoculated population leaves a breeding ground for the virus to grow, and sooner or later it’s your kid in that iron lung.
We can’t keep whining when it’s us dangling from the gallows of sexism and cheering or making excuses when it’s “that bitch.” The only way to safeguard everyone is to rip the goddamned gallows down.
Women just have to come to grips with the fact that, if we achieve equality, even that trashy slut with the stupid hair who winked at our boyfriend will achieve it. We have got to stop taking more pleasure in watching the trashy slut get hers than in punishing the sexists who are victimizing her.
Great quotes and those are four great women and I think your wish or goal for women is worthy…..however….
“Break the cycle of perpetuating sexism just because you may not like a certain woman. You don’t have to agree with her, but you also don’t have to expel senseless energy to drag her down.”
I am going to say this is true for Sarah Palin, she stood up and ran for office and she lives her life as a good citizen. Whether you like her politics or not she deserves the usual level of respect given to male politicians. But what about women who perpetuate sexism or sexist ideas or sexist media or profit from it? They need to be held accountable. They have a habit of acting like they are our leaders or at the very least represent us when in-fact they are nothing but a bunch of sell outs. Their participation in the patriarchy’s status quo holds us all down and they are going to have to go down with the sexist media they participate in. That’s life!
Bes, what gives you more satisfaction — dealing a blow to some chick who deserves it, or dealing a blow to the men who sit back and laugh over the whole thing?
Once you send the message that ANY woman is fair game, ALL women are fair game. YOU are then perpetuating the patriarchy in that event just as much as any other woman who perpetuates sexism.
And Bes, never forget that as long as there is a type of woman you will attack with relish and joy, you can be led to attack ANY WOMAN. All that’s needed is for you to be lied to persuasively enough.
Plenty of women thought just like you before they descended on Sarah Palin like a pack of starved wolves. But the women who (I judge to) collaborate with the patriarchy deserve it!
Did Palin do that? Not really, no. No more than any other woman. But by the time the lie machine was done with her, she had personally gotten rich from rape kits, gone to purity balls, was a Dominionist Christian, promoted abstinence sex education, and campaigned to get books removed from the public libraries.
And sure enough, the supposed guardians of women’s welfare ripped her to bloody bits. Because SHE WAS ONE OF THOSE WOMEN! The ones who collaborate! The one who perpetuate sexism!!!!!!! She’s the enemy! Get her! By the time the media was finished with Hillary, the same thing had happened and I heard idiots who had bought the relentless 24/7 lies pumped into our brains from all corners calling her “Dick Cheney in Pantyhose!”
Once you admit that ANY woman is fair game, you can be lied to quite handily and made to cheer at ANY woman’s degradation. Period. None of us is immune from that, especially if we get a particular little tingle and charge out of attacking That Bitch, which far too many women do. We’re addicted to it, and we can be led to attack people who don’t deserve it like dogs.
Just IGNORE the women who piss you off. Is it that hard? Is it that delicious to go after them that you can’t keep yourself from doing it?
I still think women need to be responsible for their behavior and especially their professional and public behavior. I do not see all women as victims, some are conscience participants. So the women news casters and bloggers that parroted the sexism against Hillary and Palin will never have credibility with me again. I guess that is sort of like whining “Sarah Palin doesn’t represent me” but I don’t have to financially support Sarah Palin and I am forced to subsidize media channels and personalities with my cable payment even when they disgust me with their sexism.
I can see that your way represents the high road but I don’t think it represents the most effective road and I am sick of ineffective feminism and the media it has spawned.
all the men have to do these days Janis is tell the woman how smart she is for not supporting woman x, y, or z, and how intellectual she is for attacking them. She also gets the satisfaction of feeling like a man for an hour, day, month, or year, until the threatening woman is put back in her place.
Bes,
As easy as it was to write this short piece for me in principle, I do have a very difficult time adhering to my own advice with one particular woman. She is a scientist in my field and she has single-handedly ruined any woman’s chance of getting a job in her lab because she is not a good scientist and she threatens to sue anyone for terminating her [very long story]. Her incompetence interferes with my family’s well-being in a way I cannot discuss. In every discipline there will be people (men & women) who are incompetent, I will not pretend that there aren’t. However, I am in quite a quandary on what to do about her. The position that I hold in our field is a position of power; I am networked to the nines. I have the ability to black ball her in our community without much effort. But what I feel will be better for me is just to try very hard to ignore her and let her come to the realization that she needs to find a different job that is more suited toward her gifts (whatever they are, I have no idea). People will ask my opinion of her for her future employment and my saying nothing will speak louder than any complaint I can voice. I am known as the Pro-woman-woman in optics and if I can’t find anything nice to say about a woman saying nothing at all speaks volumes.
It is the ignoring part that is so hard.
Great piece Optix and LOVE the quotes you picked. Great graphic too and powerful message.
I’m quite certain that these women, some of whose names have been touted as weapons guns to attack women on the right for being pro-women, would be appalled at what is occurring!
Bes, it’s not the high road — it’s the only road that will work. I am tired of being factionalized and manipulated based on my emotions. This isn’t a morally clean stance I’m taking. It’s my stance because it’s pragmatic and will work.
Optixmom: You made the right choice in that case because this woman exists in a free market. She will be challenged by competent people. But in media there is not a free market and gate-keeping insures there is no new blood and no new viewpoints. What we get is what a very narrow clique of men want to give us and you subsidize their entire sexist package or you don’t get clear reception on any channel (that is changing rapidly). Women in professions have to be careful about complaining about anyone or anything, in manworld whoever brought up a problem created the problem and is blamed for the problem. As long as no one verbalizes a problem there are no problems.
I can’t go along with the extreme pro woman plan completely but I am thinking that if a woman makes less than $24,000. a year from participating in the sexist agenda I could give her a pass. If she makes more than $24,000. a year from participating in sexism she is on my list. Unfortunately because of the behaviors of old media they will have to be completely destroyed in order for an authentic women’s media to be given room to grow, so a lot of women who are invested in the status quo are going to crash professionally in the process. When the gate-keeping ends a culturally authentic media can grow.
I support women, period. All women. And I vote straight female ticket. I want the 30% solution.
If I come across somebody running for office who is a total nutcase, I generally review all the famous male politicians who were whackjobs and ask myself, is she really any worse? Almost always I realize that there is a double standard and I am judging her much more harshly simply because she’s female. If she hasn’t been caught hiding cash in her freezer, she isn’t under indictment, she isn’t being investigated for molesting congressional pages, she doesn’t have a secret love child and 15 mistresses she’s supporting with campaign funds, than woot! You’re my girl.
I love Yttik’s last post. If only all women could realize the mental double standards they have been brainwashed with; actually evaluate themselves, their beliefs, and actions by it. For so long I viewed white men as objective competent authorities. Now, it’s a very different scenario.
And I do not trust my own biases. This is why I support women no matter what, like a law. This is why: a man is seen as competent automatically. A woman is not. A woman with big breasts is a bimbo. A woman, any female over the age of 30 is automatically seen with stupid printed on her forehead; incompetent, she doesn’t know what she’s doing, she doesn’t know about x y or z. Men dress in basically a uniform which affords them dignity, respect, and individuality (counterintuitive I know). A suit confers dignity, respect, authority, etc, and it’s just a triangular piece of clothing, but only men can wear it. People prefer men, subconsciously, even some of the most “feminist”. Women are seen as untrustworthy threats. People pay attention and record women’s mistakes.
It’s more abhorrent that a woman speaks her opinion, then the opinion itself. Not so for men. It’s more abhorrent that a man is called stupid, then his being stupid. Not so for women.
Sorry this is such a late comment:
“I support women, period. All women. And I vote straight female ticket. I want the 30% solution.
If I come across somebody running for office who is a total nutcase, I generally review all the famous male politicians who were whackjobs and ask myself, is she really any worse?”
Go for 100%. Much nicer.
My attitude on female whackjobs is that there’s always going to be a couple whackjobs in Congress. If we’re LUCKY, only a couple. If there’s gotta be a Jesse Helms in there someplace, it might as well be Jessica Helms. I don’t care WHO it is, or WHAT they’re saying, I want tits on `em.
Janis: “I don’t care WHO it is, or WHAT they’re saying, I want tits on `em.”
As long as they don’t wear stilettos and skimpy clothes and get in Bes’s face, that should be OK… *tongue in cheek*
I would rather they took their job without effectively centering themselves on male needs though, Susan … Bes speaks a little strongly, but there is definitely a problem with that “living to please men” attitude that is behind that. No matter how many women insist it isn’t, that sort of behavior is, at its heart, a woman putting men and their needs first, focusing herself, even her physical being, on making them happy.
Janis: “there is definitely a problem with that “living to please men” attitude”
Couldn’t agree with you more on that… 100% with you.
Perhaps it’s the intention that is behind a behaviour that makes a difference. I love to feel sexy, be sexy, dress sexy, just as much as I love to feel competent, intelligent, creative, caring, etc. I love feeling the power of my full self – every aspect of it. I won’t deny any part of me to please someone else – neither man nor woman.
I’ve just heard too many women use “But I do it for ME!” as an excuse when it’s very obvious that they don’t. I’m too skeptical about it anymore.
Janis, I totally get why you might be skeptical. But believe me:
I. Do. It. For. Me.
http://www.amazingwomenrock.co.....-hole.html
I understand what Bes is saying. Its very hard to feel good about a woman with her foot on the neck of another woman. I decide I can dislike her because she’s horrible but not because she’s female. See the difference?
I know plenty of women who I’m pleased when they “get theirs” unless it has sexual overtones or is done because they are female.
We have a particular City Council member who’s phony and ignorant. I laugh at her all the time. But when some anonymous commenter on a blog called her a housewife I knew what he objected to was her sex or some aspect of it, so I defended her.
But next council meeting I was back to laughing at her again because she’s a dope.
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