Female Aphrodisiacs, With No Unhealthy Side Effects
June 29, 2010
by Patricia Garrison
|The opinions expressed herein are those of the author, and not necessarily those of The New Agenda.
Any good physician will tell you it’s almost always better to use non-drug alternatives before moving on to pharmaceuticals. Diet and exercise to lower cholesterol and high blood pressure; yoga for a sore lower back, those nose bands for snoring. You may need to get that prescription eventually, but many times these so-called ‘lifestyle changes’ do the trick. So, while the pharmaceutical companies work on coming up with a drug to 
treat low libido in women, I have a couple of ideas that maybe could work for some women in the interim, particularly those of us with young children who could be interested, but can’t see a free minute to get frisky until, say, November. (And the interim may take awhile. An FDA advisory panel recently recommended against approval of a new drug, flibanserin, since there was relatively little benefit and lots of unpleasant side effects.)
Not only are these ideas all free, but they’re not at all complex (unlike our libidos, which have the researchers scratching their heads). They just require a few simple action items.
1) Give women time to think about sex. Even the randiest of women will tell you that a head swimming with soccer practice schedules, dance recitals, who needs new sneakers or help with homework or is there enough food in the fridge until Monday will tell you that there’s not a lot of room for thinking lustful thoughts. Such thoughts need a minute or two to take hold and catch fire. They don’t stand a chance with a mental to-do list that is always ready to blow a fuse.
2) Give women time to stop being pissed off. Any woman who ‘does it all’, whether she works out of the home or not, doesn’t like it. I know she may say she’s ok with it, or she may just keep charging ahead checking off that list in her head, but she is really ticked off. Resentment is not good for the libido. So, offer to take something off that list. If she demurs, insist in that friendly, charming way you have. Don’t take no for an answer. And, whatever chore you take on, do it without asking 70 questions. Repeat every day. She will really like you for it and she will stop feeling pissed off. And, who knows where all those warm, fuzzy feelings might lead?
3) Give women time to have sex. Sex can be a complicated scheduling issue with small children and teens in the house. One way to avoid lost opportunities is to create a climate where thinking about having sex doesn’t make her feel even more exhausted than she already is. When your life is one long to-do list, everything starts to feel like a task. The solution? Do more chores for her. Yes, I know you do more than your father did, or that you used to do, but frankly, it’s not enough. We’re looking for 50/50. (And no, sorry, you’re not there yet). Become a chore fanatic. Ask her for more and more chores. She will have time to think straight, and time to think about you. My husband knows that the quickest way to put me in the mood is to offer to do the grocery shopping and – here’s the hitch – do it without me having to write him a list and without forgetting anything, which kind of defeats the purpose (he lives in the same house as the rest of us; he should know what we need, right?) Works like a charm.
Now, I can already hear the chorus of partners who say, quite honestly, that they do offer to help, dammit, but she prefers to do it herself. Well, there’s a simple solution for that conundrum. Do it right. Do whatever it is so she won’t have to re-do, return or revamp. Then she’ll feel like things are humming along and yeah, she can relax a little. How do you know you’re doing it right? Whether it’s grocery shopping, making the bed, doing laundry or buying the kids jeans she’s done it hundreds of times. She is an expert. Watch her. And, while you’re at it, stop thinking of it as “helping her”. It’s your house, they’re your kids, and you’re a team. Team members don’t help each other. They get in there and play the game as equals. With less resentment and more time, you’ll reap the rewards of team work, which most definitely could include sex. Even if she does eventually want or need a pharmaceutical, at least you’ll have a nicer relationship waiting for the FDA.
Patricia, to suggest that the reason women might not be up for a nightly romp after rising early to get children out to school or daycare, putting in a full day at a challenging job, coming home to laundry, dinner, homework help, the vacuum cleaner, etc. implies that a woman’s lack of interest is due to an unfair balance of responsibilities. Much more comfortable for men to believe that the problem is hormonal and that a pill can turn their wives and girlfriends into sexual playthings no matter how tired and overworked they are. There are no side effects to the pill for men, but the side effects to doing their fair share are huge. Less time to watch footbal, play golf, etc. It will interesting to see how many woman will take an aphrodisial pill if and when it’s approved. I bet it won’t come anywhere near close to the market share of Viagra et. al.
Great post!!! I agree that a woman’s sexual desires are much deeper and more complex than what a magical pill can correct. The side effects of the pill make me nervous as well. I use a product that my client makes called Zestra. Its a natural blend of oils that increase female libido. But if men would also follow these 3 simple actions in the article, women would surely have a heightened sense of sexual desire both physically and psychologically.
Isn’t it a surprise that men would like to find a pill that would do for them what they are supposed to take the time to do themselves? I mean all that foreplay and mental stimulation and stuff is sooooooooo much work! Wouldn’t it be so much better if we could just give her a pill that makes her instantly dying for a quick jump, after which she tells him he’s the King? It’s so much more convenient than doing his part, don’t you think?
I would LOVE to see the statistics on how many WOMEN are actually interested in better sex through chemicals. Let’s face it. If you’re already feeling over-used and overworked, and you don’t like what you’re getting at the end of the day besides, you are not going to be very interested in more of it.
We all know what gets us interested and it’s not a pill. And most men know too, and they are deluding themselves if they think Searle or Mercke is going to replace their own daily considerate behavior and creativity. Women just don’t roll that way. Good husbands and lovers already know that. Things will continue to go well for them. For everybody else, there’s always the remote control.
Just saying.
Yeah — the pills and drugs have no side effects FOR THEM. Doing some housework etc. does have side effects — for THEM.
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