The Single Ladies Dance Outrage & the Crisis of Girls’ Sexualization
May 29, 2010
by Rachel Simmons
|This piece is cross-posted with permission of Rachel Simmons’ blog (see bio below). The opinions expressed herein and those of Rachel Simmons, and not necessarily those of The New Agenda.
The recent spectacle of eight and nine year old girls gyrating to “Single Ladies” is still eating me. And to be honest, I’m still not exactly sure why.
What’s the big deal here, really? Isn’t this just another grating example of girls’ sexualization, fodder that seems to arrive weekly? And who cares if some little girls want to try some big girl dancing? As one of the girls’ parents told Good Morning America, the outfits are “actually no different than when kids are going swimming — they go in the swimming pool with a bathing suit. These kids are going to a dance competition and they’re wearing dance costumes in front of a dance audience.”
So, like, isn’t this the same thing as getting a pedicure with Mommy or tottering around in her spiked heels?
No and no. Thrusting your pelvis, crouching seductively and shaking your butt like a stripper are inherently sexual acts. And if their bodies didn’t make the point, the clothing surely did. This wasn’t just dancing – it was erotic dancing.
When it comes to growing up, sexuality is a sacred part of the developing self. While almost all of us experiment sexually, should seven year old girls’ first experiences be quite so explicit and public? It’s one thing to try on your mom’s heels, and it’s quite another to do it for an audience. As a You Tube commenter wrote in the girls’ defense, the kids don’t even know what they’re doing. Exactly — that’s the point and my concern.
Let me be clear: the sexual part isn’t the problem – girls are sexual creatures from the get-go. The problem is that these girls are adopting an expression of sexuality that isn’t really theirs. It’s not discovered or sought out in response to internal desire or curiosity.
Moreover, the dancing introduces girls to an experience of sexuality that is being defined for them by a media conglomerate. It’s a product sold by the constellation of financial interests that stand behind Beyonce. These are hardly people invested in the safe and healthy development of girls’ sexuality. And the girls are a ways off, cognitively and developmentally speaking, from being able to look critically at the media they’re mimicking.
The Single Ladies debacle set off a pandemic of parent judgment, but sexuality educator and author Dr. Logan Levkoff calls foul. “What disturbs me is that this was made public, and in turn, has created the perfect storm of hypocrisy. In our own homes, we laugh off girls’ burgeoning sexuality. In public, we scream and yell and finger wag. (Both are incredibly problematic.)”
The sexualization of girls cuts girls off from authentic desire and emotion by pressuring them to regard themselves as objects, and encouraging sexuality as a performance for others. In their 2007 report, the American Psychological Association (APA) concluded that early sexualization of girls is linked to eating disorders, low self-esteem and depression. The APA defines sexualization as when:
• a person’s value comes only from his or her sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics;
• a person is held to a standard that equates physical attractiveness (narrowly defined) with being sexy;
• a person is sexually objectified—that is, made into a thing for others’ sexual use, rather than seen as a person with the capacity for independent action and decision making; and/or
• sexuality is inappropriately imposed upon a person.
Only one of these conditions must be present in order for sexualization to occur.
So I’m thinking about these very talented girls, and what it was like to get up on that stage and do that routine. The roar of crowd approval (and the resulting You Tube frenzy) was no doubt a thrilling rush. Was it only about the dancing? If those girls had done a rip-roaring Balanchine suite, would it be viral You Tube material? The attention teaches them a destructive lesson: be sexy and be valued. All at the age when, speaking to GMA, they have lingering baby talk in their voices.
The irony is that dance is actually a powerful vaccine against sexualization. Dance can tether girls to their bodies and emotions in transformative ways. In March, I watched the young women of the Roots dance troupe move in front of over 300 high school girls. I have never seen women own their bodies the way they did. It was clear that they danced first for each other and themselves, and then for the audience.
They were no less erotic than the girls in the Single Ladies video, but they were erotic on their own terms. They were erotic in the sense that the late, great Audre Lorde defined, using a “power which rises from our deepest and nonrational knowledge.” This kind of erotic exists on “a deeply female and spiritual plane, firmly rooted in the power of our unexpressed or unrecognized feeling.” This kind of erotic “is not only a question of what we do; it is a question of how acutely and fully we can feel in the doing.”
During the Q & A that followed their performance, the Roots troupe explained to the girls that music video dancing is just one way to be sexy. The kind of dance most publicized is the one that flush record companies can bankroll — so it’s the only one most girls see.
And that’s the real problem for me. Girls are being sold a narrow idea of sexuality and the erotic that is based primarily on how you appear to others. This kind of dance is about being seen and consumed first and foremost, and less about what comes from within.
We have become desensitized to sex, just as we have to violence. Kids’ elastic bodies and intrepid physical risk taking make them capable of extraordinary athletic feats. But just because you can wrap your leg behind your ear doesn’t mean you should.
Rachel Simmons is an internationally acclaimed author and educator. She is the co-founder of the Girls Leadership Institute and the author of the New York Times bestsellers, Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls and The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence. For weekly blogs and GirlTips, visit www.rachelsimmons.com and follow her at www.twitter.com/RachelJSimmons
Wonderful post.
It is very challenging to establish the difference between our own sensual behaviours, inclinations, and even looks, that are part of us as women, and that empower us (i.e., no matter the weight, some women show and enjoy their form); and those who are designed to make us vulnerable to make us a “sacrifice” lamb for the pleasure of others.(i.e. the imposed image/fashion of women as pubescent thin, which creates eating disorders and self esteem issues). Raising and having a strong voice in the fashion industry (including models’ images) and pageant contests should be at the heart of women’s concerns.
I agree, this image, as well as the fashion shows with the pubescent thin models that I mentioned before, seem designed for pedophiles.
I agree that in this culture men have defined sex for us (pornography) and because women do not have a real voice in media we haven’t even been able to put out competing images. Male media will also tell you that women are not sexually visual so it doesn’t matter how men look which is a complete load of BS. If you reject their definition of sex then they will say you don’t like sex because of course the male opinion is the only opinion…the normal or average opinion, in their own minds.
Years ago women acted as cheerleaders and participated in pageants for their own enjoyment, now apparently they are supposed to participate for the male audiences enjoyment.
Advertising is completely idiotic regarding sex. They sell to men by giving them male fantasies to enjoy, they attempt to sell to women by trying to sell women their place in male sexual fantasies. I assure you women have their own sexual fantasies and those don’t focus on how best to assume their position in average guy fantasies. So notice women do not watch the “women’s content channels” and women don’t read magazines like Vogue. I think we stand a chance of changing things with the internet. At least they are aware that women don’t respond to the crappola they fob off as “women’s content” on the internet. With Tv and magazines we are not even considered customers, as far as those media are concerned the men who buy advertising in magazines and TV are the customers and women are just suckers who pay a fee to have advertising force fed into our homes over the cable connection.
We don’t need to shut corporate media up, we need to offer an alternative definition of sexuality, sex and women to our kids.
I was so disturbed by this post that I had to turn my computer off for a few days.
“Girls are sexual creatures from the get-go.” THINK ABOUT THIS STATEMENT WOMEN.
Black people are inherently not as intelligent as white people. Gay and lesbian people are psychologically disturbed. Hispanic people are dishonest. Oriental people all work in dry cleaners.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. NO. Girls are not “sexual creatures from the get-go” anymore than any other race, gender, ability is anything from the get-go. Pedophiles, child rapists, and pornographers all agree with Ms. Simmons (as well as the entirety of the advertising community) that young girls exist to be sex whether they are raped, shown as sexual items to be raped, used as sexual items to encourage rape, etc., etc.
And, for the record, girls are not sexual creatures from the get-go anymore than boys are. Girls are smart and strong and talented and possess unlimited potential, unless they are defined as sexual creatures from the get-go. Thanks a lot Ms. Simmons.
Where is the outrage TNA community over this post? Where are the civil rights groups demanding an apology or for Ms. Simmons to resign whatever post(s) she holds? If she defamed the entire black or hispanic or oriental community you would hear it, so why when she defames young girls there is dead silence? WHY?
Across this world what happens to young girls is an atrocity, and the feminist community in the USA facilitates the epidemic of child rape, child selling, and a host of other heart-stoppingly sad crimes against humanity ever time we participate in this ridiculous game of sexualizing young girls. Every fashion style that makes women look like girls, every model that looks 12 (and is), every time we allow our young girls to dress like prostitutes (and dance like them) we throw salt in the wounds of our fellow sisters.
Young girls in bathing suits are not sexual objects unless you are a pedophile. And young girls dancing like strippers dressed like strippers is a crime, unless you are a pedophile. And this post is garbage, unless you are a pedophile or just totally and absolutely clueless.
And, for the record, the entire Single Ladies farce (the song, the video, etc.) is a complete and total embarrassment to women. Do you women even realize that it is simply a song showing a woman pushing her pelvis around asking to be f..ked? Is this what single ladies live for? Is this the message we want to send young women and men (or older) that if you are not married your entire goal in life is to be f..ked? I was so sad to see Beyonce go there because she is a great talent, but obviously she is just part of the problem. However, the real problem is that the feminist community sees no harm, calls no foul, and the horror just keeps getting worse and worse and worse.
I am extremely concerned too Jennifer and I cannot fathom that the parents of these girls let it happen!
I am also surprised that the only major woman politician that I have heard speak out on this is Sarah Palin! Where are the Dem women leaders on this???
Even within TNA’s think tank which we hope is representative of the population at whole, a couple of the liberal women did not see anything wrong with this – although most of us were outraged.
TNA will continue to speak out for girls – our Foundation’s main focus is teen dating violence. And as you know, with our big success last week on female cutting, we get results! Stay tuned!
Jennifer in Texas you are right!!
“NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. NO. Girls are not “sexual creatures from the get-go”
BlogHer.com posted an entry on this video and situation on May 13. It has a good array of comments (total 23 at the moment):
http://www.blogher.com/theres-.....-pop-music
I left a lengthy comment there.
The author of that blog post included a fantastic example of what more positively can be done in applying pop culture to how our kids express themselves. I’d urge readers to take a look.
Beyonce is definitely part of the problem. Every time I see women like her performing their sex dances while singing I wonder how many very talented young women who won’t and don’t sell out, we are missing. These performing women all strike me like a bunch of strange little poodles with weird hair who have been dyed odd colors and do stupid pet tricks for attention and money.
But the way I took the statement that “Girls are sexual creatures from the get-go.” was that the author was saying girls and women have a right to their real sexuality rather than corporate medias stupid pet tricks style of sexuality.
It is important to remember that media has completely extinguished half of women’s sexuality, the half where women sit on their average sweat panted bums, not worrying about how they look and check out hot men who are presenting for women’s appreciation. That part of sex is completely taboo to corporate media. In their minds the male opinion is the only opinion. So sex is defined by porno which features either no men or ugly men and never any male female couples and womens fantasies consist of how best to conform to and assume their position in male fantasies. Because there is no free market in media and we are all forced to either take a load of corporate selected channels which push this crap on cable or else get nothing, media does not reflect our culture. Media know this and they will fight any consumer right that allows us choice of what we subscribe to and subsidize. If Corporate media did reflect our society and culture then they would not need to force feed their sexist garbage into peoples homes because people would all sign up for it. Think of it this way, when you rent a house who determines who passes through your door, you or the landlord? Obviously you control access to your rented home. So when you rent your connection to the cable or satellite you should control who enters your home over it. Consumer rights given to women would change this sexist culture in months.
We do not need to control what others are saying about sex but for the sake of our kids we should be putting out images and info that offers a more true view. And we should do what we have to to stop subsidizing media companies that push this garbage on society. Cut the cable!
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