What is a Successful Woman?
September 7, 2009
by Rebecca Cantrell
|The opinions expressed herein are those of the author and not necessarily those of The New Agenda.
I have always been bothered by this question. I was raised in the kind of screwed up Liberal family that talked a great political line but in reality, cared little for anything other than “how you look and how you do.”
I started out confused and Feminism made me more confused in some ways. I’ve never really been much of a career woman. I believe in Voluntary Simplicity and I don’t make much money. I rarely publish a poem and I give most of my paintings away. Personally, I found raising a child to be much more rewarding than these things. I wouldn’t want to trade places with some of the “successful” women I’ve known.
When I look around me for women I can admire, the one who first comes to mind is the Tenant Advocate in my building. She is very kind and fair to everyone who comes to her and you always have the feeling that she is really on your side.
Once, when I called one of my neighbors a “crack head,” she very patiently and without a trace of condescension said to me, “What you mean by that is that she looks and acts like people you have seen using crack.”
“Right,” I answered, embarrassed.
After that I became quite good friends with my “crack head” neighbor and felt very bad when she moved away. I really learned something about putting your ideals into practice from the experience.
I doubt whether my Tenant Advocate (I can’t use her name) makes much more than $15 an hour in her non-profit job and I don’t know anything about her personal life except that she seems to practice what she preaches. To me, she is a successful woman because of all the people she helps in the course of a day.
It isn’t that easy for me to emulate her work since I’m artist and, by necessity, have to avoid the conventional world to a certain extent. I am trying to emulate her in practicing what I preach though and I’d like to see a New Feminism that does the same for both women and men. I’d like to see success defined as a healthy, happy human being who achieves some balance in life. One who helps others but hopefully, not to the extent of ignoring her own needs or using help manipulatively.
I’d also like to see the New Feminism embrace the ideals of Non-Violence and Voluntary Simplicity and lead the fight against global warming and poverty. Most poor people are women and children and we need a healthy world to support healthy people. It isn’t so much that we have to change our ideas. We just have to let in different kinds of people and give them a voice. And, of course, we have to practice what we preach.
I’d also like to see the New Feminism embrace the ideals of Non-Violence and Voluntary Simplicity and lead the fight against global warming and poverty.
Are the anti-poverty and environmental activists going to lead the fight against misogyny? From what I’ve seen of a lot of them, I’m not convinced that it would be a two-way street.
Voluntary simplicity can mean creating a lot of extra housework, and without a major overhaul in the way we divide household labor, women will end up doing that work. I think that these issues need to be mentioned when discussing the movement on a pro-woman site like TNA; the author might personally find childcare more fulfilling than being a “career woman”, but many of us find our careers in the “conventional world” quite fulfilling as well.
My brother Mike sent the following comment to my email.
I too have trouble with “successful woman” or “successful man” for that matter.
To follow that path would seem to have me separate the male and female effort to reach a basic human goals.
This effort is common to all humans, not male and female.
I believe you are on the right track when you point to parenthood as a higher and more rewarding path.
This path is of course open to both sexes. I guess what I’m saying is that there are no successful Men or Women.
Only successful humans. Your advocate could be male or female.
Rebecca, I can see that there are many ways to be successful and not necessarily the amount of money or looks or other highly admired achievements are the only ways to success. Nevertheless I take a step back with the example you give with your advocate who selflessly helps so many others. I have conflicted feelings. one has to admire her, but isn’t that too well fitting the female socialization? selflessly helping others. to advance our cause to get women out of being silenced, kept out of control of their lives, politics and and positions of strength/power. we need to learn to recognize our strength and do a bit of showing off.
perfect saint-like females would have never gotten us the vote, or will never get us recognized in the constitution (ERA) or move us up from the 17% state. I see a lot of fighting time ahead of us where we better hide away any saint-like aspirations.
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