Motherhood vs. Politics and Careers
July 17, 2009
by Monica Jean Alaniz
|I am a child of the 80s and a teenager and young woman of the 90s. To me, the idea of a woman entering the workforce was a given, if that is what she chose to do.
During my upbringing the only time I saw issues arise for women when it came to work vs. family was by watching movies such as Diane Keaton’s Baby Boom. Of course, now that I’m older, I know that things are much more complicated than shown in this film.
I grew up receiving mixed messages about “a woman’s place” (which I now know is everyplace and no-place, all at once). My father, who grew up in a household with a “working mother” who was a teacher, did not want my mother to hold employment outside of the household. I believe that this arose out of a sense of machismo that is common in Latino cultures. Strangely enough this is not the life that he wanted for his three daughters and he pushed all his children to get a higher education and to succeed in whatever careers we chose.
Today an article was put out by the AP entitled Politics, family intertwined for women politicians examines how many women’s political careers are affected by their roles as mothers. The article was a list of intelligent women whose careers have been affected by the fact that they are mothers. It is apparent that the days of choosing between a career and family are no longer behind us and it is not only affecting Gov. Palin (though she is mentioned in the article).
Not many of us want to think that we might still live in a time when we are still forced to choose, but this article points out the reality. If you are in the public eye and you’re the mother of young children someone will come along eventually and accuse you of bad parenting. It’s no wonder that many women do not want to expose themselves, or their children, to this kind of scrutiny.
So many professions are still unprepared for have mothers in the workplace. Dear Abby has letters from mothers that can’t find a place to breastfeed in the work environment. I personally saw how a fellow Ph.D. student was told “we don’t know how to handle pregnant doctoral students.” It is almost as if people are suggesting that careers and children are like oil and water, they just don’t mix…unless you’re a man.
We still don’t ask men to forgo fatherhood in place of careers. We don’t criticize them for entering the political sphere while their children are young. Being a mother is work, yes, but so should being a father.
For those that say that women can’t have it all I ask them to look into their own families’ pasts. My bet is that the majority of your great grandmothers didn’t just sit around, looking pretty. My great-grandmother, who I was fortunate enough to know, had thirteen children, ran a household, and still managed to help my great-grandfather on the ranch. I’m sure that there are countless stories out there.
Women who stay home do work; after all, raising a child is hard work, but they shouldn’t be driven to stay home or choose careers outside of the public eye because of vicious attacks. Just because you are a mother doesn’t mean that you have to give up your career and aspirations. Unfortunately, as this article states, many women do because of the criticism lobbied at them and their families. To them, it’s just not worth it. There is still a long way to go in the fight towards equality between the sexes.
So what do we do? We can choose to tell our daughters that they can be mothers and politicians, but we have to do our best to defend women who are driven out of the political arena because of these dual roles. We need to show them through example as well as with words.
Great article!
I, for one, would like to have more Todd Palins in this world!
I’m stay-at-home now due to financial reasons (childcare costs more than what my salary would pay) and personal desire. I like seeing my daughter through the week. But if I could have anything it would be to work part-time in my field until daughter enters school. That way I could keep contact with my profession and the adult world.
I also don’t have any family around me and this complicates things for a lot of contemporary mothers. My mother, aunt, etc. would surely watch my daughter a few times a week… if only we lived near each other! It’s hard when families are so spread out like they are today.
It would also help if husbando would help out more, a la Todd Palin. It’s not just my husband – I’d say almost across the board women are doing more work in total hours – when one adds up paid work and domestic work, it’s women who clock in the most hours. This will surely keep us behind – the inequality in the division of labor within our households.
Well said, Monica!
I appreciate young women, like you, being able to articulate thier personal experiences about work and motherhood.
Keep writing!!
SYD
Amen!
Alison –
the NYTimes ran an article within the past year or so about gender differences and housework/childcare and they said that only in lesbian families (with children) was there true equality in how much each partner works at home, time with kids and time at work. And that in lesbian relationships both partners were more willing to sacrifice their “careers” for the family.
The article also said that while men now-a-days are doing ALOT more around the house than they did, say, 20 years ago, that women were still doing a disproportionate amount of household and childcare duties (on top of the same work demands that their husbands had).
I wish I had a link to it – it may be searchable on the NYT page.
Ihe only reason it’s so hard for women is because men won’t step up and do their damned share. Period.
And I think that Todd Palin is a BIG part of why so many young husband-hunting pseudo-feminists hate Sarah so much. They’ve been going out of their minds looking for a non-porn-addicted slacker as husband material with no luck at all, and here’s this woman who’s a conservative and the enemy, and she managed to land one. Isn’t she supposed to be a battered little doormat married to a Promise Keeper who can only dream of a vegan, eco-activist coffee-shop woman-positive boyfriend?
Will all the excitement around here about so-called “attacks” on Sarah Palin, it’s interesting that none of the “new agenda” “feminists” have seen fit to comment on the right-wing attacks on Malia Obama. I guess misogyny is okay when it’s directed at Black Democrats.
Seems to me I remember a feminist saying something about how your silence would not protect you. Guess that was “old” feminism.
NHS,
There are many guest posts at the New Agenda. I’ve written one myself as a guest. Why don’t you write an article about this and submit it? I’d love to read it. Not related to Malia, but I am horrified in regard to how the media has focused on Michelle Obama’s arms and fashions verrsus her accomplishments and her capabilities as a first lady and prior. I’d love to hear what you have to say in regard to how Maiia is being treated.
Kaija,
Thanks for letting me know about that article. I think it will be a few more generations before the division of labor is equal between men and women. As it is now, there is still this idea that men should come home from a hard days work and be “sultan” – at least for a few hours a day.
Rarely do I have time to be “queen” nor do most women I know. We are always running around harried taking care of everyone and everything.
Janis,
Interesting about Sarah Palin/ Todd Palin. I’m jealous for sure! Yet I don’t demonize Sarah in response:)
NHS, speaking as a woman who voted for Carole Mosley Braun after Howard Dean soiled himself in public because I wanted to vote for at least ONE candidate I liked and wanted to support on principle, your flat-out accusation that we’re all a bunch of racists is ridiculous. The New Agenda has simply spent its time defending women who are or are running for elected office. you want to talk about the demonization of black women of any party running for office, try the way Cynthia McKinney has been constantly savaged as some out-of-control insanebot.
Also I think you’re mixing your canned accusations. It’s “old” feminism that’s suposed ot be a bunch of evil racist dried-up white women, right? I lose track.
Sorry about the tone of this, but after spending an entire year trying to point out that the male currently in the WH lacked experience at anything substantive, had voted in favor of the Iraq War every chance he got, voted for the Bush-Cheney energy bill, and flipped off another candidate for president on national TV, I got a little sick of having the word RACIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thrown in my face 24/7. Racism is vile — and having it spat in my face repeatedly, usually followed by wishes that someone would set my c*nt on fire, have sort of taken the sting out of that word.
Janis,
I hear you. I wanted to respond to NHS in a proactive way but you are correct. We can’t even have a conversation about the demands of motherhood and work here without being called a racist. It’s very, very tiring and very, very unfair.
I’m starting to doubt that NHS is concerned with sexism toward Malia but is more interested in aggressively calling us racists.
I would just like to say that I do not consider myself a racists and actually find it quite amusing that I would be alluded to being one by virtue of my posts and my participation with this organization.
The blogs that I have written up for The New Agenda only give a very slight, tiny insight into who I am and what I think.
I have also been called a Palin supporter, which I am in that I stand up for any woman who has been attacked in the manner she has. That being said, I would NOT vote for Palin if I were eligible to vote in any election that she was taking part of because I have very VERY different political views.
I find it rather amusing that I would be called a racist and a conservative when anyone that knows me realizes that I’m anything but.
The New Agenda is an organization that asks individuals to participate by pointing things out and writing about them. As Alison suggested, if you believe that we are remiss in the coverage of something, then by all means, write something up and share it with us.
I’m starting to doubt that NHS is concerned with sexism toward Malia but is more interested in aggressively calling us racists.
Doubtless imagining that, as the most dependable liberal trump card, it would have us all collapsing in shame.
Sorry. Those days are over. Again I state that racism is VILE, but attempting to silence one minority with false accusations of hatred of another is also VILE. It’s incredible to me how people can pervert ANYTHING into a weapon of injustice. That humming noise you hear is Ida Wells spinning in her grave.
HI, I have been lurking for awhile. I admire the work you are doing and have been telling people about your site. I wanted to mention how the media smearing Sarah Palin affects people. My Mother (who has 3 daughters who all work outside the home and and have children) has bought into the Sarah Palin is not a good mother because she works. Mom watches alot of TV. Anyway when I pointed out her 3 daughters all work I was told that is different. when I asked how – she couldn’t answer other than she didn’t want to argue with me. Also I was over at Buzzflash and they had an article on responsible free speech – which I agree with. However, they blamed everything on Republicans and actually wrote that Obama supporters never engaged in demeaning smears against women. When I pointed out this was not true and gave examples I was told me and my children were racist. So Obama supporters are still playing the race card.
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