Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride (or Reason #53 why you’re a Registered Independent)
October 21, 2008
by Sheryl Lee
|It’s hard to remain open-minded toward John McCain when he’s steering a discussion about recently out-of-work 50-something women who are afraid of losing their health care back to Joe the Plumber and his vexing tax problem (or math problem—depending), or when he’s putting scare-quotes around “women’s health”, but for many feminists who intend to do so, voting for McCain/Palin is not about McCain. It’s about abandoning a party that doesn’t represent their interests. It’s about supporting a woman running for public office. It’s about the realization that if we keep going along with business as usual, we’ll never get anything else.
In that sense it’s not really about Sarah Palin, either, and while I have vigourously objected to the sexist attacks aimed at her these last seven weeks, that doesn’t mean I agree with everything that Senator McCain and Governor Palin stand for.
For those of us who have spoken out about the virulent misogyny directed at Governor Palin, this is really the last thing we need to hear:
John McCain:
As a cold, political calculation, I could not be more pleased. She has excited and energised our base, she is a direct counterpoint to the liberal feminist agenda for America. She has a wonderful family, she’s a reformer, she’s a conservative. She’s the best thing that could have happened to my campaign and to America.
Call it a marriage of convenience, a cold, political calculation, or a promise kept—I know that some of you will cheerfully vote for Palin/McCain this election. I know you’ll also keep your Independent status, and win or lose, you’ll be prepared to vigorously promote The New Agenda to whatever administration takes power.
Because it’s not about McCain or Palin or Obama or even Hillary Clinton. It’s about women taking what is rightfully ours, what is long overdue to come into our possession, about taking it no matter who objects or gets in the way or thinks we’re going about it the wrong way and won’t we just sit down and be patient and they’ll get to our needs shortly?
No. We will not.
The waiting patiently portion of our program is over.
I actually like Palin. I don’t agree with her on everything but I like and respect her, as I do McCain.
I don’t like or even trust either Obama or Biden. Obama’s career long strategy has been not to say or do anything controversial so that he has no record to hold against him; he tries to act as a mirror, not saying or doing to much so that voters see in him what they want to see. I find that disturbing.
Lisa,
You are not alone (although most days I’m sure that it feels that way). I like Gov. Palin too even if I don’t agree with some of her policies. I can relate to her as a person and her struggles.
We had heard that Sen. McCain will apologize or clarify his comment on liberal feminists. I’m hoping he will follow through.
Great piece Dawn!
“Obama’s career long strategy has been not to say or do anything controversial so that he has no record to hold against him; he tries to act as a mirror, not saying or doing to much so that voters see in him what they want to see.”
You’re imputing a motive to him based on your own subjective impressions. What you’re suggesting he does is what cult leaders do. I’ve studied cults rather extensively, and Obama doesn’t strike me that way. He’s a Visionary Leader, certainly (which has it’s own limitations), but he’s not a cult leader. He lacks a number of traits of cult leaders, primarily the us vs. them orientation that they impress upon their followers. His approach is antithetical to that.
I don’t really mean to defend him, but to be fair to him and those who will vote for him.
He makes me nervous because he lacks experience, and he may only be as good as the people with whom he surrounds himself, and if he’s not a flawless judge of character, those people may promote agendas that are not in the best interest of the American people.
I have different reservations about McCain, mostly having to do with aging neurons, but I’ve already voted in my federal election, and I won’t be immigrating to the US for a few more weeks.
(Thanks, Amy!)
Dawn,
He has voted present for so many bills over the year or missed them. Why? Because every vote he doesn’t take is one vote that he can’t be hounded on later. This has nothing to do with his messiah complex.. or rather his supporters messianic complex, rather it is something he has done in Illinois and in the Senate. Why didn’t he convene his committee? Why didn’t he do anything during the bailout negotiations?
Because to act is to commit himself, to commit himself is to leave voters behind. if he says and does little concrete, then those who support him can project whatever they want on him.
I’m not sure what the “liberal feminist agenda” is anymore. If it’s places like NOW, at the moment it seems to be about ignoring sexism. If it’s lurking in places like NARAL, it appears to be about not endorsing the pro-choice female candidate in the primary.
I actually agree with McCain on this, but perhaps for differant reasons. In many ways I think Palin is a good wake up call for the liberal feminist agenda. I think it’s time for some re-evaluation, liberal feminism has become a rather exclusive club. I see it in the way Cindy McCain was immediately dismissed as a blond beer heiress, a bimbo, by feminists that apparently have this automatic reaction to women who are attractive. There’s an assumption that they lack depth. You hear it again in the way Sarah Palin is dismissed as nothing but a beauty queen, another bimbo. Cindy McCain has actually worked hard to promote a global feminist agenda and written about it in her essays about Rwanda. Her words nearly echo those of Hillary at the Bejing conference.
Feminism for me has always had more of a libertarian leaning then a liberal one. We fought for the right to vote because the government has no business taking away our individual rights. We fought for choice because the government has no business regulating our bodies. We fought for access to birth control because the government has no business forcing us to reproduce.
I think feminism needs to stop being an exclusive club. You cannot join together in sisterhood and fight for something better if you’ve got all these restrictive membership reqirements.
The 2cd woman VP candidate since 1776 – how far have you really come to even question voting gender specific when so many men will vote for McCain because he is a Veteran and so many men will vote for Obama because of his skin color? 2 in 200+ years, that’s poor odds, be it in cold calculated politics or horse racing. You really want in the mix, play at our level, quit bringing high morals to a bloddy street fight. You either tell your daughters/sisters/nieces/cousins they can become a US Senator or the Vice President of the United States – they will stand by your words but you are the ones to vote for them, not just Sarah Palin. Your vote either sets a higher standard in place right now or it maintains the status quo. Personally I’m voting for the President to be one who has a proven record of functioning well under extreme duress – that would be the combat Veteran who also has the intelligence and balls to select a competent woman to be his VP.
You’re right, Lisa, and it’s that ambiguity that he used to defeat Clinton, who hadn’t afforded herself the luxury of keeping anything controversial off her record, and why he can say to McCain, “You’ve voted with Bush 90% of the time,” and not have someone call up his voting record in return. It’s also the reason very few senators run for President – because they’ll be handicapped by their own records, right?
So, he’s been very strategic, I agree. Hillary was also strategic, but it was the baggage of Bill Clinton and her vote on the war that was used to defeat her.
If Obama were my candidate, I’d be all, “Check it out—dude is strategic!”, but I can see why it makes some people nervous. It’s hard to tell what he’ll be like as a President. I like him, even though he reminds me of my dad. I like Palin. I don’t find McCain very appealing, but he reminds me of my ex-father-in-law. Hillary, though, she was the one I really identified with. I still feel very sad that she’s not in the race.
Anyway, the main point of my post was that we really need to remain independent and strategic, and consider supporting things as a block when we can. It’s the best way I know to get what we ultimately want.
[...] What Dawn said Posted on October 21, 2008 by bluelyon Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride (or Reason #53 why you’re a Registered Independent) [...]
Great post, Dawn.
In a comment above you said:
I gotta say, I see things quite differently. I think an us vs. them orientation is precisely what he’s cultivated in his followers. That’s why his followers believe that misogyny against Hillary and her supporters is justified; in fact their rhetoric about Hillary and her supporters reminded me of the One Minute Hates in 1984 against Goldstein and his “foreign paymasters.” Totally nutso. And they’re doing the same thing to Palin.
And their messianic fervor is what convinces them that anything is justified to get Obama elected, including gross voter fraud. Obama supporters frankly scare the living shit out of me. I’ve never seen more cult-like behavior in mainstream American politics. Ever.
Also, the behavior of his followers, from the chanting to the secret rings to the cult pictures of Obama emerging from the Willamette River with a unicorn behind him and roses cascading at his feet…
Hate to pile on – but agree it is cult behavior. I’ve seen it first hand out canvassing for Hillary around the country. I’ve seen it locally in New York voting in the primary and having my car approached by 2 men carrying Obama signs. It scares the h*ll out of me. It was my first thought of why he voted for FISA.
A lifelong democrat, in this election I will be voting for McCain. But for me this choice has very little do with the terrible sexism towards Hillary and Palin. Nor is my choice based on the prospect of having a female VP. It is about having the best person in office (now that Hillary is no longer an option). The choice issue doesn’t scare me (I’m pro-choice) because of the democratic senate majority. And yes, Obama’s cultish qualities scare me, too! I’d much rather have a fuddy dud like McCain than a guy with no record of achievement scarily touting “change”. Yikes, I’m not looking forward to seeing what change looks like, Obama style.
I was just now in the shower and thinking about this business of Visionary Leader vs. Cult Leader. Actually I’d be interested to hear more about the distinction, since I think Dawn is using discrete terminology. From a sociological standpoint, would Hitler/Mussolini be a Visionary Leader while David Koresh/Jim Jones/etc. would be Cult Leaders?
Funny thing: I spent the entire period of the Democratic primary, and right up until the Democratic convention avoiding anything to do with Obama because he reminds me so much of my dad (who died from lung cancer when he was only a year older than Obama) that I had a hard time watching him. My dad was white, but had features and hair and a body-type that suggested some interracial genetic mingling not too many generations back. Obama not only looks like him, but he has the same mannerisms, the same smile, and the same breathtaking charisma. The thing with my dad was, he didn’t really deserve the hero status others conferred upon him. He was just a guy – an intelligent and funny, but not a very thoughtful or curious guy. He wasn’t exploitative, but he got a lot of leeway others didn’t get because of that charisma. People just wanted to be around him. They were in awe of him, and would follow him around, even across the country. It was weird.
I see Obama that way, as someone who inspires people, but who may not have a lot of substance under whatever glamor enfolds him and makes him so appealing to others. My dad was vastly open-minded and generous, but like most people to whom things come too easily, he was narcissistic and tended to put his own needs ahead of others.
He was constrained by his environment. I sometimes wonder if he might have done something truly great with his life if he hadn’t been. The point is, people like that are sort of naturally gifted at getting people to organize around a cause. They don’t have to have great minds or even great visions, they just have to inspire people and get them to rally around. I don’t see Obama as evil or scary, but I don’t see him as a natural force for good in the world, either. I believe he could be that, in the right conditions with the right people around him. I believe my dad could have been, too, but that’s not how it turned out, and he didn’t have the strength of character to pull himself out of the ruts in which he found himself.
Does anyone know whether Obama has actually quit smoking?
You know, thinking about this some more, I have serious reservations about both candidates, and I could talk about those. I could also talk about the great things I see in each of them.
What troubles me is the polarization of the electorate, and the way so many on both sides identify with the candidate of their choice and then fall victim to a number of cognitive biases (confirmation bias, fundamental attribution error) that reinforce their preference for their candidate and their aversion to the opposing candidate.
Everyone gets busy being offended and it undermines our focus on the important issues that need and deserve our attention. This is what we’ve seen happen among feminists over the last several months. I hope it leads to a renewal of the feminist movement, eventually, but it sure sucks to watch it all fall apart over partisan issues.
The fact is, these guys both have feet of clay, and I don’t want to marry either of them. I want to focus on the things they do or fail to do that have positive or negative impacts for women, and mostly, I want them to get the hell out of our way.
I know for a fact that as of last Fall he had not. A friend of mine’s husband is a personal friend of Sen. Obama and after an event in CT, he wanted to go over the their house for a smoke in the attic. My best friend Arleen (who is the only woman who has better quotes than Eleanor) said it best: “How’s he supposed to be strong enough to run this country when he can’t quit smoking.”
As for the cult behavior, my dad turned 90 this week so he was born in 1918, During the primary, my dad told me that when Sen. Obama was speaking to the huge crowds, it reminded him of watching Hitler in his early days.
I’m wondering if you have any thoughts on the latest Palin media assault — the $150K for wardrobe and $4K for grooming, particularly questioning the legality of expenditures.
In my world, there’s a higher standard for women when it comes to well, mere presentation. Not only should the expenditures be legal, but the tax code should be revised to recognize this burden on women, IMO, but that’s another story.
The key issue seems to be whether the clothing/accessories are for ‘personal use.’ It seems to me that she’s out there 24-7 campaigning, so what are they talking about? Why is this newsworthy while the Greek columns for Obama’s speech are just ‘good marketing?’ If it’s because Obama’s not talking the columns home, well, then Palin can return the clothing/accessories on Nov 5th, right?
Along with this “important” story, I see there’s a new investigation under the headline: AP INVESTIGATION: Alaska funded Palin kids’ travel. The key issue: whether bringing the kids along constituted ‘official business.’
It may well be that the people of Alaska will not approve in the long run, but I find it appalling that so-called ‘family-friendly’ liberal Democrats nationwide should join in the rush to judgment. Consideration of this issue requires looking through a different prism — how honest we’re going to be about supporting women in their dual roles as executives and mothers.
And what a joke it is that we aren’t able to subject the Obamas to similar scutiny. Alas, the state senate records are just ‘missing; the Rezko favors are merely ‘boneheaded’; the generous pork to Michelle Obama’s employer rate a one-line mention here and there.
Above Violet mentions cult leaders versus visionaries.
One of the hardest things for me during this election is how many “friends” have demanded I sing praises to Obama. Not simply keep my mouth shut, but I must embrace him or we cannot be friends. It hurts because I would never ask a friend to give up what they believe in, to set aside their thoughts and feelings, to not be true to themselves.
So as to cult behavior, well it’s the same thing that happened to a friendship of mine when a woman joined a church I did not want to be a part of. Suddenly her children could not play with mine and she could not speak to me in the grocery store. Her new belief system demanded she only associate with members of her church who sang praises to her pastor.
I can’t wait til all of this is over. I’m in Ohio and it’s non-stop Obama ads, just like it was in the March primary. We’re all hungover already!!
But like Amy’s Dad said, there is something really creepy about how the Obama followers are like Hitler supporters—-sycophants, really.
Obama is a gifted motivational speaker. But in my profession, we hear motivational speakers all the time. He’s not one of the best by a long shot.
During the 3 years I spent running for Congress in the 90′s, I went to a different African-American church every Sunday, and I heard absolutely SPELL BINDING oratory. Again, Obama’s not near being one of the best in that genre.
But one of the benefits of being in Ohio where the two are in a dead heat, I am not completely surrounded by Obama fans. However, as a result of this election, like many of you, there are alot of people I’ll probably never speak to again. They have become glassy-eyed Stepford wives when it comes to Obama.
It will either be election day when McCain pulls off a surprise victory, or sometime in the next 4–8 years (more likely in the next 2 years) if Obama wins, these people will have one gigantic hangover and wonder what befell them.
In the meantime, as Amy says, there is much work to do!!!!
Amy—happy birthday to your dad!
I guess he’d know better than I what Hilter’s crowds looked like, but it occurs to me that people said something similar about the Beatles.
I have seen the glassy-eyed mania (or infatuation) that has gripped some of Obama’s supporters, but as far as I know, Obama isn’t pushing a xenophobic agenda, and while “change you can believe in” is more like a Zen koan than a statement of purpose, I think maybe the war and mass murder of innocents is mostly behind us, this time.
hir: I’ve not read the original stories on Palin’s wardrobe or her children’s travel, but two things occur immediately, upon hearing about them:
1) Women over-spending on clothing is a stereotype. How much do those suits cost, and what do you expect her to wear with the level of media and public exposure she’s got right now? What’s the standard for women at that level of celebrity? I recall the $400 dollar haircut was used by Ann Coulter as a reason to call John Edwards a faggot. Everything homophobia knows it learned from misogyny.
2) Women should not have to sacrifice their relationships with their children in order to perform in their jobs. I applaud Palin’s precedent-setting insistence that her children attend events with her. I’d like to see a lot more of that.
This is just more of the irrelevant crap that both sides are shoveling by the truck load right now. Aren’t you tired of it?
While I agree that Obama is not Hitler, I am truly frightened. (Ironically, much as I feared Reagan would get us into a nuclear war.) Obama’s running mate assures us that our adversaries will generate an international crisis to test him.
There has been unprecedented mass projection of benevolence onto Obama from the media and his supporters. It’s a cult of personality. Conservative opponents say he’s a socialist while progressive opponents think he’s a tool of corporate power. He’s a hologram.
He’s used each legislative office as a stepping stone to the next, leaving no trail of actual accomplishments. He’s been on both sides of so many issues that he appears opportunistic.
Re your previous post about Obama supporters: I have a magnetic bumper sticker that says “hispanics for McCain” and “McCain Palin”. I stick it on my car when I’m driving around and remove it when I park.
The other afternoon some young woman pulled up next to me at a traffic light and threw her cigarette at me, literally SNARLING. I put down my window and said “look in the mirror right now- people like you are why I cannot support Obama”.
I’m not saying all Obama supporters are like that, but clearly many have made their idolatry of the man their new religion. I try to avoid those people. Their hatred of Sarah Palin is at the same level as their adoration of Obama. It’s hard to be around people who follow unquestioningly, but even harder to be around such hatred.
Having said that, there is someone in my office (I try to never discuss politics at work) who mistakenly is under the impression that I’m voting for the Dem ticket and she constantly sends me what can only be described as Obama fan emails. I never respond – I don’t want to break her heart!!!!
Maura, it sucks to be targeted like that. I’m sorry it happened to you.
I’m Canadian, with family and friends who are American, and I have spent a lot of time in the US. I’m immigrating down there soon, in fact. During the 2004 election, I recall driving behind someone in Vancouver with a “Support our troops” stars and stripes bumper sticker and Washington plates. By that time, those bumper stickers had become synonymous with Bush’s supporters, and I recall sitting behind that person at a stop light, having to resist the urge to ram his car with mine (I was driving an old Mercedes at the time: very heavy).
My point is, people are crazy all over, and crazy comes in all political stripes (even mine!). We could sit around and recount personal anecdotes all day and night up until the election, and we’d be missing the important stuff altogether.
Not that I discount personal anecdotes – I rely on them all the time myself (witness my comments in this thread – ha!). It’s just that focusing on crazy supporters of either candidate takes the focus off issues like the war and the economy and health care and women’s representation in government, and it keeps us divided when we really need to be coming together, despite our differences, and even despite who we’re voting for.
I respect everyone’s right to vote for the candidate of their choice, and I understand that they have complex and personal reasons for choosing the candidate that they do, and who am I to second-guess those reasons?
Women need to trust each other.
indieyogini, I agree with much of what you say. His supporters are fanatical. He has carefully crafted his image.
Cults of personality are not always bad. It depends on the personality in question, and on what type of people that person surrounds him or herself with. Great leaders throughout history have also had their own cults of personality.
When it comes to my posts on New Agenda, I try to keep posts about personal politics to a minimum (not in any way saying others should). I do this primarily because I feel it’s important not to play into partisan politics here, but also because I am in Independent and partisan politics just don’t matter to me.
I find some democrats to be fanatical, I find some republicans to be fanatical…but I also find many on both sides of the aisle who are both willing and able to see other points of view without having a complete meltdown. And in my personal opinion, this later group are the ones who are really going to move us all forward in this country.
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